It's a journey.

It's a hard reality to realize and come to terms with the fact that growing, in all aspects, is never ending. There will be bumps in the road and there will be hard times. Life isn't all cupcakes, butterflies, and unicorns after all. 

I try to stay positive each day. I try to continuously go-go-go. I try to smush down emotions and insecurities and anxiety and all the other scary things that you don't typically want to show. Pretending and making my way day by day with a forced smile at times. Because when people ask, "How are you doing?", most don't really want to know the ugly parts. "How are you doing" is typically just a formality. So, "I'm doing good!" I can just keep pretending both for others and for myself. Because it's so much easier to hide than to show the raw reality of what actually is. 

I have been struggling with my anxiety again. Those that struggle with anxiety or any other mental health issues know that it's a journey. You find coping mechanisms that help sometimes. But there's times that things just come bubbling up out of no where seemingly relentless and unruly. I've never been good at talking about feelings or emotions. So this is where I will express myself. In all facets of life, I will try to be open because there isn't anymore room inside to keep shoving things down. I'm starting to come apart. & that needs to change.